lonely

Loneliness. It's part of the human condition, I guess. And we go to such lengths to keep it at bay, don't we? Maybe stay in a relationship that we shouldn't. Maybe deceive ourselves into believing that we really are ready for that new relationship when we're really not. Shopping, TV, internet, alcohol. It's all a big distraction from the lonely. But I think of Jesus on the cross. It's doesn't get more lonely - even the Father turned from him. He knows lonely more intimately that I could ever imagine. He knows my brand of lonely to be sure. He knows. But it serves a purpose, if only to align me more closely with Him and His heart for the world. Our heartache is not wasted. Lord, I surrender all to you. Turn this broken girl into an instrument worthy of your name.

he's four

Gosh, I can't believe that it's been a month since my last post. Life is flying by, punctuated by the fact that Donovan is now FOUR YEARS OLD! Yep, my little man recently had a birthday. I am so glad that Mark and Melissa were still around to celebrate with us. They left for Wisconsin a few days after the party and are leaving the country soon. We are all missing them terribly, but it was a joy to have them here for a few months.

Here's the birthday boy with his lion cake.

This gift was from my mom and dad. It's a laminated poster called "Fishes of Minnesota." The kid is obsessed with it. He sleeps with it most nights. No joke. I think he has most of the names memorized. Oh D, you rock my world. I am one fortunate mama.

m&m

We've had a couple of housemates around here recently. Mark and Melissa are a married couple who are in the US to raise financial support so that they can return to the middle east as missionaries. At the end of July they found themselves without housing so I offered them some space in our home. They have graciously put up with a basement re-model, children crying in the middle of the night, and Donovan letting himself into the bathroom while they showered. Through it all they are helpful, kind and genuinely enjoy the kids. Of course, O and D adore them and the extra attention they get. They are currently at about 90% of their goal and I have a feeling they will be leaving us soon. I feel mixed about them leaving. I rejoice that they will soon return to the middle east where they long to be. But I will miss these dear friends. It has been an honor and privilege to know them and share our home with them.

firsts

Without further ado, here are the photos I promised...

What she wanted to wear the first day of kindergarten

What she actually wore

With little bro in his self-selected outfit

First day of preschool

Complete with backpack

My babes are growing up. *sigh*

labor day

The kids and I spent the long holiday weekend at the lake, but I forgot my camera!  Bummer.  We had a great time.  Highlights included fishing, playing in the camper and catching frogs.  We were all sad when it was time to go.  Now we're getting in the routine that comes with September.  Olivia started kindergarten yesterday and enthusiastically reported, "It was GREAT!"  Donovan starts preschool next week.  Olivia will begin attending American Heritage Girls next week.  Also starting next week is AWANA, our Wednesday evening kids program at church.  Both kids are old enough to participate this year and I am volunteering.  My basement update is nearly done, just in time to dive into all this activity.  It looks to be a busy, but good fall ahead of us. 

shindler's list

Remember this?

I find myself thinking about this scene a lot.  A couple of months ago my friend Mo and I were talking about it in the context of making financial choices.  Even though I try to be wise with my money, I know that I can always tighten the belt, make better decisions.  I can fore-go little luxuries knowing that my money can be put to much better use helping someone else. 

But it doesn't just apply to money.  Am I making wise choices with how I spend my time and energy?  Am I doing what I was made for?  Am I doing kingdom business?  I don't want to face Jesus filled with regret, knowing that I could have done more, tried harder, lived to my fullest potential.  God can accomplish his purposes with or without me.  But I don't want to miss out. And this song has become my anthem:
 

the little things

A while back, after Brian and I had separated all of our stuff, I did an inventory of my tools.  I found that I had no hammer.  No wrenches.  No box cutter.  No tape measure.  But I did have 3 channel lock tools.  Go figure.  So I made a Home Depot list and headed out.  Before I got to the store I spied signs for garage sales and I just had to stop.  Can't ever pass up a good bargain!  At one of the sales I found a good quality hammer and a brand-new tape measure for just 3 bucks!  Every time I use that hammer I think of this:

Do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?  And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?  And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!  Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’  For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.   Matthew 6: 25-34

God knew that I needed a hammer and tape measure.  The moment that I saw them it was like I'd received a love note from heaven.  Even the little things He provides.  As I step out in faith to pursue the things that I believe I was made for, I do experience fear and anxiety.  But when I get to fretting I take a look in my tool box and remember that I have a father in heaven who cares deeply for me.  There is freedom in putting it all in His hands and letting go of the worry.