Olivia has always loved books. The last few months she has been terribly interested in spelling, writing and sounding out words. For example, tonight she came to me because she wanted to make a sign that said "free samples" so I encouraged her to sound it out and see if she could figure it out herself. Later at bedtime we were reading a book and she actually started reading it herself! Granted, I did have to help with a number of words, but she was able to read about half of them herself. It was like reading was suddenly making sense and I was witnessing the light bulbs going off in her head. She was beaming and I was dang proud.
At bedtime I always kiss my kids good night and say "sweet dreams". Last night Donovan replied, "sweet dreams, sweetie pie" accompanied by a couple of pats on my face. He has also taken a liking to the phrase, "Hmm, very interestant" which is delivered very seriously with a thoughtful look and a nod of the head. He just melts me.
The lovies and I are headed to Oregon on Saturday to visit the Baskett clan. I am hoping for some good weather so that we can spend some time at the coast. It will be wonderful to visit a place where spring is in full swing. I need me some green!!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Update
I filed our taxes tonight. Once the refund comes I'll be closing the last of our joint accounts and the attorney will get the refund. We signed and exchanged titles for our respective vehicles. I cannot believe how much paperwork is involved in dis-entangling two lives. But two more hurdles have been cleared and I am glad for the progress.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
What kind of mother (part 2)
So I'm listening to this radio program as I pull into the Panera parking lot. I wait until the interview is done, I go in, get a cup of soup and find a quiet spot to work on my Bible study. I'm turning this radio interview over in my mind, digesting, full of judgement and righteous anger. I even write notes about what I'm thinking in the margins of 1 Corinthians 9. Notes like, "Are we entitled to pursue our own happiness at our kids expense? Absolutely not!" Then I begin my study and God begins to turn my heart.
Paul is writing about the lengths that he goes to avoid being a hindrance to the gospel or a stumbling block for non-believers. Even the things that he is entitled to, like a living wage, he does not ask for to avoid appearing like he is just preaching for money. Paul endures all, sacrifices all to avoid alienating those who desperately need to hear the gospel he preaches. He says, "For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more." 1 Cor 9:19
And I recall those verses that I have heard since I was a child. "Judge not lest you be judged." "Justice is mine, saith the Lord." I imagine what a dear friend would say with such compassion about the choices these women are making, "They don't know the error of their ways. They are in darkness. They are trying to fill the hole that only God can." I remember that it is not my place to judge, only to have compassion and love for the lost.
Later I meet with a group of fabulous women and we go through our study together. We talk about our struggles to be in the world, but not of it. To love the sinner, but hate the sin. To avoid judging without condoning. How do we walk this line in love? Thankfully, our leader shares some very practical guidelines and we eagerly write them down:
Paul is writing about the lengths that he goes to avoid being a hindrance to the gospel or a stumbling block for non-believers. Even the things that he is entitled to, like a living wage, he does not ask for to avoid appearing like he is just preaching for money. Paul endures all, sacrifices all to avoid alienating those who desperately need to hear the gospel he preaches. He says, "For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more." 1 Cor 9:19
And I recall those verses that I have heard since I was a child. "Judge not lest you be judged." "Justice is mine, saith the Lord." I imagine what a dear friend would say with such compassion about the choices these women are making, "They don't know the error of their ways. They are in darkness. They are trying to fill the hole that only God can." I remember that it is not my place to judge, only to have compassion and love for the lost.
Later I meet with a group of fabulous women and we go through our study together. We talk about our struggles to be in the world, but not of it. To love the sinner, but hate the sin. To avoid judging without condoning. How do we walk this line in love? Thankfully, our leader shares some very practical guidelines and we eagerly write them down:
- Find common ground
- Avoid a "know it all" attitude
- Make others feel accepted
- Be sensitive to their needs and concerns
- Look for opportunities to share about Christ
Monday, March 14, 2011
What kind of mother (part 1)
Allow me to get up on my soap box for a bit. I heard an interview on the radio last week that really disturbed me. I often listen to NPR and there is a great program in the afternoon called Talk of the Nation where they interview someone about current events and general goings-on. The show is open to listeners to call, e-mail or text in comments and questions. So the host was interviewing a journalist, Lea Goldman, who wrote an article called "What Kind of Mother Leaves Her Kids?" about mothers who choose to give up custody of their kids in favor of other pursuits. You can hear the interview or read the transcript here.
The summary given of the article is, "Few people give it a second thought when fathers give up parental rights. But when a mother releases custody, she is often judged harshly. Lea Goldman of Marie Claire discusses the challenges for moms who choose to separate from their children." In the article she describes women she met who have given up custody of their children to pursue an education or focus on writing or travel. They describe it as an agonizing decision, but that they have very satisfying lives as a result. Ms. Goldman goes on to sympathize with these women and say, "Unfortunately, society at large, really has very harsh opinions of these women." To which the host said, "And sometimes the kids do, too."
Ms. Goldman explains that while these women chose to have children, "there are a subset who just find that motherhood - you know, it sounds so trite, but motherhood isn't for them." One mother she interviewed said, "I wanted my own space, to do my own thing. You can't do that with a kid in the background. You can't do it when you have to cook dinner." Ms. Goldman says it is, "a mark of our progress that women," are giving up custody of their kids to pursue their dreams and goals like men have been doing for so long.
Wow. I was floored. Is this the direction that our culture is headed? I know that some women have long neglected their parental responsibilities in favor of their own pursuits, but now we have to accept it as a valid lifestyle choice? In the past we may have called this selfish, but now we are not allowed to judge or label their bad choices. Hey, these women are satisfied so we shouldn't vilify them or point out that they are sacrificing the well-being of their kids for their own happiness. I wish we would get back to asking ourselves, "what will the neighbors think?" Maybe then our behavior would get back in line with societal norms. Instead we pursue what works for us, what feels right, to the detriment of those who rely on us most.
Listen, people. Children are a blessing. Period. Just ask someone who struggles with infertility. Children are not a inconvenience. They are not disposable if they don't fit into your lifestyle. They are human beings and your choices are going to have life-long consequences for them. They did not ask to come into this world. You brought them here and you have a responsibility to do right by them. And that means that you will have to sacrifice for them. Regardless of how you feel or what you want, you must provide for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. This is not optional! It's called parenting and it's what you signed up for when you decided to have kids.
I cheered when I heard what one listener wrote. He said, "Would you stop trying to turn these mothers into victims? Any parent who can care for a child, but gives them up for their own selfish reasons, is not a victim." But Ms. Goldman responded in a way that seemed smug, almost like she was disappointed in his reaction and said, "Well, I mean, this is exactly the reaction that these women fear, and that these women experience." And I wanted to scream, "this is an appropriate reaction!" These women should be ashamed of themselves. Society has a right to judge them because they are selfish. And just because men have perhaps been more selfish in the past is no reason to celebrate the blossoming selfishness of women too.
Am I right?
The summary given of the article is, "Few people give it a second thought when fathers give up parental rights. But when a mother releases custody, she is often judged harshly. Lea Goldman of Marie Claire discusses the challenges for moms who choose to separate from their children." In the article she describes women she met who have given up custody of their children to pursue an education or focus on writing or travel. They describe it as an agonizing decision, but that they have very satisfying lives as a result. Ms. Goldman goes on to sympathize with these women and say, "Unfortunately, society at large, really has very harsh opinions of these women." To which the host said, "And sometimes the kids do, too."
Ms. Goldman explains that while these women chose to have children, "there are a subset who just find that motherhood - you know, it sounds so trite, but motherhood isn't for them." One mother she interviewed said, "I wanted my own space, to do my own thing. You can't do that with a kid in the background. You can't do it when you have to cook dinner." Ms. Goldman says it is, "a mark of our progress that women," are giving up custody of their kids to pursue their dreams and goals like men have been doing for so long.
Wow. I was floored. Is this the direction that our culture is headed? I know that some women have long neglected their parental responsibilities in favor of their own pursuits, but now we have to accept it as a valid lifestyle choice? In the past we may have called this selfish, but now we are not allowed to judge or label their bad choices. Hey, these women are satisfied so we shouldn't vilify them or point out that they are sacrificing the well-being of their kids for their own happiness. I wish we would get back to asking ourselves, "what will the neighbors think?" Maybe then our behavior would get back in line with societal norms. Instead we pursue what works for us, what feels right, to the detriment of those who rely on us most.
Listen, people. Children are a blessing. Period. Just ask someone who struggles with infertility. Children are not a inconvenience. They are not disposable if they don't fit into your lifestyle. They are human beings and your choices are going to have life-long consequences for them. They did not ask to come into this world. You brought them here and you have a responsibility to do right by them. And that means that you will have to sacrifice for them. Regardless of how you feel or what you want, you must provide for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. This is not optional! It's called parenting and it's what you signed up for when you decided to have kids.
I cheered when I heard what one listener wrote. He said, "Would you stop trying to turn these mothers into victims? Any parent who can care for a child, but gives them up for their own selfish reasons, is not a victim." But Ms. Goldman responded in a way that seemed smug, almost like she was disappointed in his reaction and said, "Well, I mean, this is exactly the reaction that these women fear, and that these women experience." And I wanted to scream, "this is an appropriate reaction!" These women should be ashamed of themselves. Society has a right to judge them because they are selfish. And just because men have perhaps been more selfish in the past is no reason to celebrate the blossoming selfishness of women too.
Am I right?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Remarkable girl
Learning to blow bubbles
Yesterday she was drawing on the wipe board that we have in the kitchen and she commented, "Mom, this board is really remarkable. Get it, mom? Remarkable! Get it? I made a joke!" Her grasp of language and sense of humor amaze me. I am honored to be her mama.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Meet Reynolds
We recently spent the weekend with my parents and my sister's family at a near-by hotel with a water park. The kids had a blast! And so did I, which is why I have no pictures of the water park. At the end of the weekend Grandpa Mark gifted all the grand kids with a new stuffed animal. This was Donovan's pick, a tortoise. Don't make the mistake of calling it a turtle or you will be informed that he is a "giant tortoise". Olivia and he had a discussion about if the tortoise was technically giant (she thought it was small or medium at best), but Donovan held his ground on that one. I asked what he was going to name his new friend and without missing a beat he answered, "Reynolds". Reynolds is now Donovan's BFF. So long brown bear, this kid's moving on.
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