Saying Yes

I've noticed something about myself.  When my kids ask me to do something my knee-jerk reaction is typically "no".  It comes out before I even think about it.  They ask, "Can we play outside?"  I say "no", because I don't want to be bothered helping them into their winter gear and then deal with wet snow pants/boots/hats/mittens when they come back inside.  They ask "Can we play with play dough?"  I say "no" because I don't want to have to clean up all those little bits of play dough that end up all over the floor.  They ask, "Can we color with markers?"  I say "no" because I don't want to sit and supervise craft time to make sure that we don't end up with marker on the furniture/walls/floor.  You get the picture.

But it is right for me to deny my kids these experiences when it is just a matter of inconvenience for me?  I wonder how they must feel when they hear my arbitrary "no" over and over again.  Does it make them feel that they are little more than an inconvenience?  Parents can make the mistake of swinging too far the other way and be overly-permissive.  I think it's healthy for kids to hear "no" sometimes so they learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and other people's needs matter too.  Sometimes.  My problem is that I tend to say it far more often than I say "yes".  Plus, when I realize that I've said "no" too hastily and then change my mind, the kids get the idea that they can argue with me every time to get me to change my answer.

So I'm trying to change my tune.  Now when my kids ask me something I try to pause and really ask myself how I want to respond.  And once I answer, I stick to it.  They are starting to hear a lot more "yes" from me, but they are also finding out that my "no" really means no.  But this weekend I realized that I was falling back into my old habits.  I noticed that the kids were whining and arguing with me a lot, which means that they were hearing, "no, well OK, yes" from me.  *sigh*  Parenting is challenging.  Change is hard.  But yes' bring far more joy than nos.  So I'll start anew today and keep trying to say yes.