Scaredy Cat

Our cat, Sadie, is a big time scaredy cat.  She was a stray that we adopted after she had taken up residence in my co-workers back yard.  At first, she was terrified of us.  We kept her in the garage for a couple of weeks and I would sit with her daily, just reading nearby, hoping that she would warm up to me.  Eventually she worked up the courage to come close enough for me to pet her.  Then she bonded with Brian too. 

When we were sure that she wouldn't run away we began to let her outside.  We let her out every morning and she would often spend the whole day outside before coming inside in the evening.  One evening she didn't come home.  Then the next night she didn't come home either.  We canvased the neighborhood calling for her as we went.  When we got home she was sitting on the back step with a badly mangled leg.  We rushed her to the vet where they amputated the leg.  The vet was pretty certain that she had been attacked by a dog.  We took her home and she quickly learned to get around on three legs.  But she never went outside again. 

After that she and I started playing a game most nights.  I would throw a toy mouse across the room and she would chase after it.  Sometimes she even caught it mid-air.  She would pounce on that thing and tear into it.  But one night the mouse took a bad bounce and hit her square on the nose.  It startled her so that she jumped back and I couldn't help laughing.  But Sadie was not amused.  She never wanted to play the game again.

While she enjoyed being around Brian and I, Sadie never let anyone else pet her.  When we had guests over she would promptly disappear.  When the kids were born she became even more reclusive.  One dear little friend (age 4) recently observed that maybe we should get a new cat since we can never seem to find the one that we have.  Sadie would typically only come out in the evening after the kids were in bed.  On a few occasions she has let Olivia pet her, but it was clearly distressing for her.  Olivia would be such a gentle companion for her, showering her with all the love she could handle, but Sadie won't allow it.  She used to sleep with me every night, but in the past few weeks Donovan has started sleeping with me.  He has become more fearful at night and has a very difficult time falling asleep on his own right now.  So now Sadie won't even come upstairs anymore.  I hear her downstairs at night meowing the loneliest little cry. 

Fear is a healthy and useful emotion.  We all have that self-preservation instinct.  It keeps us safe.  Many days I wish that Donovan had more of it.  But too much fear can hold us back and keep us from experiencing life.  We have to decide in various situations, is it worth the risk?  I wonder if, like Sadie, I am too scarred by my past experiences to ever take a chance on love again.  Certainly, it is far too soon to contemplate any future relationship.  I still have a lot of growing to do first.  But if the opportunity arises, will I risk being hurt or will I take the safe path and hide?  Time will tell.